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Reader Question:

we met he a couple weeks before and then we immediately hit it off. He’s 20 and I am 18.

We arranged we would remain as friends with advantages because i am making in two several months for a while. For reasons uknown, the guy helps to keep revisiting the notion of merely becoming buddies, claiming the guy wants me personally nonetheless it can make him place a wall up.

I informed him it could be great whenever we just ceased talking so howevern’t get any more thoughts because the guy doesn’t want currently, but the guy keeps claiming he doesn’t want to end speaking.

Why does the guy deliver me combined signals? How can I determine what the guy would like?

-Brianna (Wisconsin)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Response:


When you describe your own commitment as pals with benefits, i suppose you suggest sexual advantages. Also because you are the one leaving area, I have an expression you’re one who organized the partnership because of this.

He, however, didn’t have most of an option. You’re going to be leaving, regardless if he wanted a lot more. Indeed, We think your own pass out from the connection had been the actual thing that attracted the two of you.

It really is a means to test a commitment with the knowledge that each one of you may have a leave home in the two-month mark.

With modern-day relationships being so vulnerable yet therefore pressured getting sex, individuals often expect dip their particular toe-in in an effort to prevent a painful separation.

Although bottom line is actually gender creates feelings. He could be sending you mixed signals because the guy loves you! They are actually letting you know the “friends with benefits” charade could be the wall he is setting up.

My personal advice: do not wreck havoc on this guy’s center if you do not wish a real connection. If you do, carry it up-and end up being very clear concerning your needs.

The elephant inside family room looks too-big for either of you to disregard.

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